Stop Over Analyzing Things Guys Tell You

I used to be an extremely over analytical type of woman until I took time to self-reflect and question my life choices. I often questioned myself as to whether I was going crazy and felt like sh*t after dating someone or while dating someone. Then I came to the conclusion that maybe I was over analyzing what men would tell me. Over analyzing is exhausting and time consuming. You read dating/relationship blogs, magazines, and maybe even Psychology Today articles to try to get the answer when usually the answer is simple. Stop driving yourself crazy and believing men speak in code. Men aren’t women, so we can’t think that they think like us.
Continue Reading

Share This:

He’s Clearly Not Into You – #BoyBye

Sometimes we have to take our rose gold colored sunglasses and realize that the smoking hot guy that is down-right perfect, might not be so perfect. Sure he has pearly white teeth, washboard abs, makes you blush, romantic, goal-oriented, funny, the entire package…you might feel he’s too good to be true. What happens when he’s all lovey-dovey and texts you one day and won’t text you for days.  Instead of you calling him out on his shite because you don’t want to be that girl, sometimes you must or else, he’s going to walk all over you.  Things can definitely go both ways. Below is my list for those dating that want a relationship and over-analyze things. Somethings things are rather simple.

Share This:

Love Is A Suicide

So I came to see Mr. Jetsetter. As you know we’ve been seeing each other again. I’m still hanging around. Hoping and waiting. Fact is, I don’t want to date any other guy but him. I’m still waiting for him to come back and tell me how he feels. We can’t change the past. We can only move forward. Friends have tried to set me up on dates but I’m like nope. I’m not single. No matter how single I tell Mr. Jetsetter that I am. This isn’t a rom-com. It might backfire in my face. Am I doing this for the right reasons. I love him. He loves me or else we wouldn’t be together yet not together? We aren’t Ross and Rachel. Atleast I hope not. I would be super peeved if he did try to ask another woman out, kissed her, hugged her…. Ugh Am I insane? He’s my first real boyfriend, the guy that understands me, calls me out on my shite, has been there through the hardships. I love him. More than he will ever know. The heartbreak is still there.

9906122

Sometimes I wish I could tear out my heart and my brain out. Just carve it out or give me a new brain. Make me a “hubot,” synth, robot. But life goes on, right? It’s better to love and feel than to not love or feel at all. Did I commit love suicide or did he? I doubt my decisions to break up, to move, life wasn’t perfect with him but it sure felt like it. What do you think? Did I make the worst decision to leave?

image

Share This:

All You Had to Say Was Stay

It’s been one week since I broke up  seperated  stopped living with Mr. Jetsetter. We’ve been talking still. Texting daily as if I only moved 90 miles away for work and not a break up. I don’t think of this as a break up, more of a separation. I love him with all my heart. He’s the first guy I’ve truly loved. Sure I said it to Mr. Commitmentphobe but in hindsight, I don’t think that was love. I saw Mr. Jetsetter as my future fiance, husband, father of our two kids. I just wish he had not given up so easily. He’s set his foot down on stuff before and made me realize that maybe stuff was hasty or not a good decision but this time, he actually gave up. I might have stayed if he said, “No. This is not a break-up. Let’s go talk to my parents or a counselor and see what issues we need to work through.”  There is something that happened back in October that may have happened prior to and it’s something we really have to discuss. I need answers. I have a list of questions. Do I expect the same answers as before, I hope not. Why is it that guys give up so easily? Do we want too much that they can’t give us that bundle of truth? I guess time will tell. I don’t even want to date anyone else. To be honest, I don’t think I will. I need to see this relationship through.

Until next time,

signature

 

Share This:

Cheater, Cheater, Cheater!

I was watching “The Intern” and when Anne Hathaway finds out her husband is cheating on her when she catches him sexting another woman and she takes him back in the end,  I thought to myself, would I stay with a cheater if it happened in my current relationship?

tumblr_ndp4i3woeu1spsk3po1_500

I’m one of those girls that still believes in monogamy. When I commit, I commit. In my opinion, I value my self-worth and respect myself not to get involved with cheaters. I remember when I went out with my first boyfriend, Mr. Freeloader and I was really into him. We were in what I thought was a monogamous relationship, I found out that he was cheating on me with this girl and got her pregnant. I was upset but I was glad to have found out. The worst part was that his family tried to cover it up. What did I do? I told him, “It’s over! Get the f*ck out of my life. Don’t think of coming back!” I’m not the type of person to take back a cheater, especially him.

Why is it that people try to compare cheating on your partner with how animals are not monogamous? Really? Are we animals? Aren’t we supposedly “the most intelligent” species of mammals? It really irks me when people, specially “doctors” with PHDs, try to do the comparisons and justifications for cheating and monogamy. Why do men say, “it was only sexts, it didn’t mean anything, I’m sorry! I was stupid and horny.”  Really a$$hole? Maybe it was a mistake that you got caught red handed! Why aren’t people that are supposed to communicate their feelings in a relationship just honest about what the actual issue is?

I think if you are not being satisfied by your mate, you should COMMUNICATE , and explain that you feel unsatisfied in certain areas and see if your partner is able to work on satisfying you and vice versa. Maybe I’m judgmental, since I see all these people “cheating.” I’m not trying to be judgey. But like I’ve said before, I believe in monogamy.  Nevertheless, I know what my values are. Therefore, I’m sticking to them. I like many other women, get unwanted attention from creepy men. I just pretend I’m talking on my phone with my boyfriend. Like I said, I’m not one to cheat. It’s too easy and repairing a relationship is hard. I would lose trust, if my current boyfriend cheated on me. He would have to work so hard to get back an ounce of trust.  To each their own but I don’t want those people in my life.

caec908522a0888c4bd830175af35db2

What constitutes cheating? Is cheating, texting someone constantly and flirting with them? Is cheating, sexting? Is cheating, going on “dating” apps and chatting with someone with the possible intentions of meeting? Skyping? Facetime? Chatting on FB? Snapping sexy pics on Snap? DMing someone privately on IG or Twitter ? Constantly flirting with co-workers? Flirting at a restaurant or bar? To me, all of the above constitute cheating. It has the same value as sleeping around with someone other than your partner. Do you agree or disagree? What else do you consider cheating?

XO,

NikkiKat

download

Share This:

Bulletproof Hearts In Dateland

Where are you at right now? Do you like playing the field, do you want to be dating someone exclusively, or rather enjoy being single and not dating? I hate playing the field. It sucks. But that’s what dating is, a playing field. Where do we go play the field? Online, apps, bars, lounges, or clubs? Necessary evils. That’s where most people are hanging out and scouring for singles. I hate bars and clubs unless its just to dance. Some of my besties are friends with the door guy and it’s been so easy to get into clubs and bars.

enhanced-buzz-408-1383924767-12

I could only hope that friends can play matchmaker and get it right. Cynical me is holding her breath. I forgot 2014 is the year of positive thinking. LOL. So far it’s been one, two, three date lame duds. Maybe when I go up to A & M to help my bestie look through Ring Dance dresses, she can set me up with a non-douche bro. A girl can dream. I’m attracting nothing but trust fund d-bros. Who knows maybe 2014 is the first actual boyfriend year? Maybe I should wish for a guy that actually gets me and respects me.

tumblr_mzvnzlxonh1t42575o1_500
Yet, here I am. Single and  not really dating as much. Kind of over it. Guys on dating apps are all about trying to give me the D. Is the world only full of emotionally stunted guys? Are we just dating emotionally unavailable guys because of some past trauma?

XO

NikkiKat

kiss lips

Share This:

Is Chivalry Dead?

Why does it seem that courtesy has gone out the window and everyone is selfish? Are we as a society just creating these guys or women that don’t care? Is chivalry dead? Just because everyone is “equal” does not mean that we stop acting like gentlemen! It’s “the little things” that count! We all deserve respect. Why is it so hard to be courteous?charlotterescue

Maybe I haven’t found a guy that is as chivalrous. Maybe I expect too much from men. But as a woman, I do expect you to walk side by side with me, open the door for me, etc,. Just because there are some women that are all about being egalitarian and “leaning in” doesn’t mean I’m like that.  Society has expectations as to how guys are supposed to be. There are things that I agree and disagree with as far as those expectations go. But I still think that there are things as common courtesy and etiquette.

exhausted

It’s not impossible to find chivalrous guys. I’ve dated a one or two, albeit things weren’t meant to be and didn’t last. But I have yet to find a guy that’s chivalrous in the present. Is chivalry dead?

 

XO

NikkiKat

kiss lips

Share This:

Risk Of Saying, “I Love You”

Have you ever pondered in fear and maybe second-guessed yourself with being able to say, “I love you” and/or “I’m in love with you.” Hoping that the other person (guy/girl) would respond and say the same thing? If you do not take the risk then what is the point of knowing whether those feelings are mutual or one sided?

didnt-call

I wanted Mr. Commitmentphobe to tell me that he loved me. He knew that I was in love with him. Society or atleast Media tells us that men must make the first move etc., So why can’t an independent woman like myself do it? I took the risk before Christmas. Guess what his answer was? “I wish I could feel like you do. I don’t love you like you want me to love you.” WTF? Why didn’t he just tell me, “I don’t love you? I don’t think I will ever even though I care a lot about you.” That really stung. I was glad he was honest, it validated what my intuition was telling me, “he’s not into you.” For me it’s easier to move on, if you are and act like an a$$hole. He wanted to have his cake and eat it to. The commitment without the commitment.

doesntgiveans

In the end I think we should be able to take the risk and express how we feel. Maybe I’m one of a few people that like talking about feelings. I know some people are afraid of that but I think that way you know where you stand and not second-guess, overanalyze, over think, bring drama, and/or seem insecure or needy. It just makes it easier to have open communication. What are your suggestions?

XO

NikkiKat

kiss lips

Share This:

Friends With Benefits

Have you ever thought, “What kind of relationship do I want?” There are different types of relationships: “hooking up'” or being “joined at the hip.” FWBS means “friends with benefits, casual sex without commitment, no-strings-attached sex. I think it’s just a nicer word, wrapped in a different package and a nicer word for fuck buddies. This post is about FWBs equaling FBuds.

I made a survey and from what I gathered from friends and random people, FWBs don’t seem to work out. They only work for a little while. Why don’t they work out? Usually, the partners that you were FWBs tend to either find a better FWB or after playing the field, they end up dating someone that they want to see where it goes. Sometimes the person you had some you had mutual attraction to the person that you were FWBs with but maybe one develops feelings and the other will not reciprocate those romantic feelings that you have for them. Either way some guys/girls tend to have multiple FWBs since one FWB maybe busy and unavailable at the moment you call them to come over. You only come over when it’s convenient for you and for your FWB. It’s not a daily or weekly thing for some. But again it depends on the relationship that the FWBs have.

It’s different from dating since FWBs are like a booty call, since you call them up to “chill” or “hang out” but you know that it’s going to end up having sex after either watching a movie together or whatever activity but normally it’s just about not going out in public to do things. It’s rare to have an FWB that you go out to dinner, etc. like a date. It’s different from dating and taking it slow, where you are either committed to find out whether you want to become boyfriends or girlfriends or that you are playing the field and find someone better suited for you.

In my opinion, you can whore yourself out as much as you want but in the end you are going to be running on empty. Giving yourself to anyone is just low self-esteem unless that’s the only thing you are looking for is no commitment and the joy of having sex. Ultimately, that seems to come to an end in later stages of life. Whether it is in your 20s, 30s, 40s, maybe even 50s. I think we all at some point long to be with that person that we can maybe have that long-term relationship. What do you think? What is your take on this?

 

XO

NikkiKat

kiss lips

Share This: