It’s been about 7 weeks since I broke up with Mr. Jetsetter. It hasn’t been easy moving on. The hopeless romantic part of me had some hope left. But the more I think about how humiliating and painful this has been. The process of having to let go of the guy that I thought about spending the rest of my life with didn’t choose me and our relationship in the end. I’m a fighter. Not a quitter. The only time I may stop fighting for something is when I realize that it’s an impasse at an endgame.
As little girls some of us dream of Prince Charming and not Prince Harming. This hopeless romance becomes ingrained in our minds and maybe it’s a combination of our own fault, Disney, society, and fairy tales. When we don’t get our happy endings, we start to doubt ourselves. Are we good enough? Why can’t I have that happy ending? Unfortunately life isn’t always fair. Maybe there isn’t someone for everyone. Maybe I’m just being negative because I’m tired of investing in friendships, dating and relationships that end up going nowhere or end up breaking my heart.
I used to think love was enough to save relationships and friendships. Now I’m not really so sure. Or maybe because I was hurt recently, the wounds are still fresh and my mind is doubting whether he truly loved me or not. It sucks because I’m questioning every word he said, every touch, every kiss, every hug, his thoughts during the time we were together, and the love he gave me.
A fellow reader sent me this:
Hi Nikki Kat,
I need some objective advice. My ex is texting me and sending me Facebook messages. We’ve been broken up for over two months. He says he loves my company, wants to spend time with me, talk to me, and see me. He told me he wants to see where things go and keep things casual. I told him we broke up for a reason. He lied to me about flirting and sexting two female clients from his job. I love this man, and part of me wants to be with him. But I’m still hurting so much. We lived together before we broke up and had lans of getting engaged, married, kids, etc.,
Sometimes we have to take our rose gold colored sunglasses and realize that the smoking hot guy that is down-right perfect, might not be so perfect. Sure he has pearly white teeth, washboard abs, makes you blush, romantic, goal-oriented, funny, the entire package…you might feel he’s too good to be true. What happens when he’s all lovey-dovey and texts you one day and won’t text you for days. Instead of you calling him out on his shite because you don’t want to be that girl, sometimes you must or else, he’s going to walk all over you. Things can definitely go both ways. Below is my list for those dating that want a relationship and over-analyze things. Somethings things are rather simple.
The first time I heard of “throuples” was on the latest season of Shameless and now Schitt’s Creek had a storyline. Are throuples the new polyamorous relationship?
Urban Dictionary defines “throuples” as “a threelationship; a relationship with three partners.” It seems like a threesome relationship without the connotation of it being just about sex. Throuples can consist of two men and a woman, two women and a man, three women, three men, etc. Wikipedia defines polyamory as “typically the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships where individuals may have more than one partner, with the knowledge and consent of all partners. It has been described as “consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy-monogamy.”
My friend Cassie and I were having a candid discussion about how one handle’s issues in relationships. She told me how she would never bring things up and she would let them fester until she couldn’t take it anymore. I’ve learned that nobody wins in a relationship when both of you stay quiet. Glossing over issues or sweeping them under the rug doesn’t help.
Of course, relationships and friendships seem like they should be easy to navigate. But unfortunately, they aren’t. I’m a big believer in trusting my intuition and I try to ignore it when it is related to people I care about. I don’t like confronting people I care about when I feel that something is off or that my fears are getting the best of me. For example, a guy I used to go out with was super romantic in the beginning and three months later, he slowly started toning it down to where it was non-existent. We would facetime and talk on the phone (texting seemed less personal) and he slowly stopped that too. I had a weird feeling about things. I didn’t speak up. My fears were getting the best of me. Turns out he was actually dating some other girl for whom he was driving 3 hours to see. He would get annoyed having to drive from the Woodlands to Bellaire. As if that was 3 hours. I confronted him about it when I saw receipts for different places he had gone with her. Mind you, I was being an independent woman and paying at least 95 % of the meals we would eat together and movies, etc. I liked him and even though I hardly made as much as him, I was like blasé about it. He told me that he never said we were exclusive. Which is true, he never did. But he could have at least told me that he planned to see other people and keep it casual. Which I don’t think I would have agreed with. Plus I felt if I was silent, I wouldn’t be considered a bitch for speaking up.
In my current relationship, things are completely different. Which is great. I prefer dating a guy that could be a forever. I ask where he was all my life because he’s that wonderful. However, even what feels like paradise can bring up old fears. The more I overthink, the more I feel like I’m getting sick. I have trouble sleeping. I have always been able to tell Mr. Jettsetter anything without fear of being judged. He’s my comforter, my assurance that I am always safe in his arms, that I have nothing to fear with them because the world just stops and it’s just us. Anyways, remember how we separated and seemed in limbo for a few months. All of that happened because we didn’t have a conversation about fears, issues, feelings. Moral of life, silence isn’t golden. What do you think?
Until next time,
P.S. I know I was vague and it was on purpose. There are some things that I prefer to keep private.
Have you ever felt like you were the only one trying in a relationship? Why is it that we always make the mistake of giving over 100% when the other person gives less than 50%? Do we have to walk on eggshells when we talk about issues in our relationships?
Sometimes it feels like YOU are the only one trying to communicate and you don’t want to sound like a bitch. I believe in open two-way communication and maybe I haven’t spoken up because I didn’t want to sound like I was bitching or starting drama. I have made the mistake of letting things slide and/or gloss over stuff when I should really speak my mind. They say pick your battles but sometimes, you can’t and shouldn’t. The other part of the equation has to be timing. I rather just enjoy the moment with the person I love instead of calling things out and making them see how maybe my feelings are hurt, I don’t feel appreciated etc. I always say, “I believe we should be blunt, honest, and upfront. I don’t want things to be swept under the rug. I want it all out in the open and lay my cards out however they may fall. What do you think? How would you go about it?
Until next time,
Guess what? You know all that relationship work I wrote about earlier? Well, I have good news! Mr. Jetsetter and I are back together again. Hopefully forever! We are social media official! So today, is technically our 2 year anniversary since we didn’t break-up break up…
The thing that sucks is that we live about 90 miles from each other and because he’s been busy with Grad school, we’ve only been seeing each other once or twice a month since Summer ended. It was a work in progress. Even though I had broken up with him, it didn’t take long for us to talk again. It was a whole 24 hours. It feel like a million years! Not to be cliché but maybe the distance made us realize that we are mean to be. Maybe it sunk in that if we lost each other, we would be broken and our pain wouldn’t be healed. It took me a while to admit to my friends that he was my boyfriend. They knew since day 1 of the break up that it wasn’t going to last and that it wasn’t a break up. More of a wake up!
While we were “broken up,” I told him a white lie, that I went out with someone who I’ll call Mr. Aviator. Except that I didn’t. I had gone out with Mr. Aviator a year before I even started dating Mr. Jetsetter. To be honest, I didn’t go out with guy or talk to any guy. I might have been selfish and wanted Mr. Jetsetter to wake up and truly apologize and tell me that he loved me and wouldn’t let our love be broken. Moral of the story, don’t test someone’s love with a white lie. It can totally back fire.
We are starting off on a clean slate. Any thing hurtful that was done in the past isn’t a hall pass but more of a breakdown in communication. We are young and relationships aren’t always easy. They take time and work. Have you ever broken up and realized it was a wake up call? How did you handle it?
Until next time,
Sometimes things don’t go well in romantic relationships. It helps if you have good mutual communication. That way both of you can understand why things aren’t going the way that you think they should be going. I’ve learned in the past that I truly wasn’t communicating my needs. This time the mancleanse has helped me realize what I might have done “wrong”. I used cut off the problems in the bud and run instead of facing them head on. I should have stayed and really made my point come across and work on the relationship instead of ending it.
I’m glad that I realized that I should have spoken up, attempted mutual communication, and expressed my feelings and what we both could do to fix any issues. Sometimes things are meant to work out, which I think my relationship with Mr. Jetsetter will. So what do you all think? Am I going about it like I should or do you think we should maybe seek additional help?
Until next time,