Last week confused f*ckboy Justin went on a date with a woman named Lisette on what seemed like a date. To her it was a date but he states that it was a “preliminary conversation,” but he didn’t make it known to her that it wasn’t a date. He assumed she knew it wasn’t a date, so he audaciously scheduled 6 preliminary converstations DATES! In today’s climate of extreme doublethink aka “alternative facts”, the mental gymnastics this guy has to climb. What first dates in 2017 include a guy bringing flowers? If that’s the case apparently have never gone on dates! LOL Where are the guys that do bring flowers on a first date? Do they exist? Send them my way! LOL
Getting closure is ideal after any breakup. Sometimes you get the whole truth and nothing but the truth and other times, you might get a half-truth, and vice versa. A breakdown in communication somewhere in the relationship seems to be the cause for some breakups. I can attest that it was the cause in my last one. This Summer seems to be a time of closure for me. Not only did I get closure from Mr. Jetsetter but I also got closure from Mr. Batman.
It’s been about 7 weeks since I broke up with Mr. Jetsetter. It hasn’t been easy moving on. The hopeless romantic part of me had some hope left. But the more I think about how humiliating and painful this has been. The process of having to let go of the guy that I thought about spending the rest of my life with didn’t choose me and our relationship in the end. I’m a fighter. Not a quitter. The only time I may stop fighting for something is when I realize that it’s an impasse at an endgame.
I used to be an extremely over analytical type of woman until I took time to self-reflect and question my life choices. I often questioned myself as to whether I was going crazy and felt like sh*t after dating someone or while dating someone. Then I came to the conclusion that maybe I was over analyzing what men would tell me. Over analyzing is exhausting and time consuming. You read dating/relationship blogs, magazines, and maybe even Psychology Today articles to try to get the answer when usually the answer is simple. Stop driving yourself crazy and believing men speak in code. Men aren’t women, so we can’t think that they think like us.
As little girls some of us dream of Prince Charming and not Prince Harming. This hopeless romance becomes ingrained in our minds and maybe it’s a combination of our own fault, Disney, society, and fairy tales. When we don’t get our happy endings, we start to doubt ourselves. Are we good enough? Why can’t I have that happy ending? Unfortunately life isn’t always fair. Maybe there isn’t someone for everyone. Maybe I’m just being negative because I’m tired of investing in friendships, dating and relationships that end up going nowhere or end up breaking my heart.
I used to think love was enough to save relationships and friendships. Now I’m not really so sure. Or maybe because I was hurt recently, the wounds are still fresh and my mind is doubting whether he truly loved me or not. It sucks because I’m questioning every word he said, every touch, every kiss, every hug, his thoughts during the time we were together, and the love he gave me.
A fellow reader sent me this:
Hi Nikki Kat,
I need some objective advice. My ex is texting me and sending me Facebook messages. We’ve been broken up for over two months. He says he loves my company, wants to spend time with me, talk to me, and see me. He told me he wants to see where things go and keep things casual. I told him we broke up for a reason. He lied to me about flirting and sexting two female clients from his job. I love this man, and part of me wants to be with him. But I’m still hurting so much. We lived together before we broke up and had lans of getting engaged, married, kids, etc.,
Sometimes we have to take our rose gold colored sunglasses and realize that the smoking hot guy that is down-right perfect, might not be so perfect. Sure he has pearly white teeth, washboard abs, makes you blush, romantic, goal-oriented, funny, the entire package…you might feel he’s too good to be true. What happens when he’s all lovey-dovey and texts you one day and won’t text you for days. Instead of you calling him out on his shite because you don’t want to be that girl, sometimes you must or else, he’s going to walk all over you. Things can definitely go both ways. Below is my list for those dating that want a relationship and over-analyze things. Somethings things are rather simple.
The first time I heard of “throuples” was on the latest season of Shameless and now Schitt’s Creek had a storyline. Are throuples the new polyamorous relationship?
Urban Dictionary defines “throuples” as “a threelationship; a relationship with three partners.” It seems like a threesome relationship without the connotation of it being just about sex. Throuples can consist of two men and a woman, two women and a man, three women, three men, etc. Wikipedia defines polyamory as “typically the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships where individuals may have more than one partner, with the knowledge and consent of all partners. It has been described as “consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy-monogamy.”
My friend Cassie and I were having a candid discussion about how one handle’s issues in relationships. She told me how she would never bring things up and she would let them fester until she couldn’t take it anymore. I’ve learned that nobody wins in a relationship when both of you stay quiet. Glossing over issues or sweeping them under the rug doesn’t help.
Of course, relationships and friendships seem like they should be easy to navigate. But unfortunately, they aren’t. I’m a big believer in trusting my intuition and I try to ignore it when it is related to people I care about. I don’t like confronting people I care about when I feel that something is off or that my fears are getting the best of me. For example, a guy I used to go out with was super romantic in the beginning and three months later, he slowly started toning it down to where it was non-existent. We would facetime and talk on the phone (texting seemed less personal) and he slowly stopped that too. I had a weird feeling about things. I didn’t speak up. My fears were getting the best of me. Turns out he was actually dating some other girl for whom he was driving 3 hours to see. He would get annoyed having to drive from the Woodlands to Bellaire. As if that was 3 hours. I confronted him about it when I saw receipts for different places he had gone with her. Mind you, I was being an independent woman and paying at least 95 % of the meals we would eat together and movies, etc. I liked him and even though I hardly made as much as him, I was like blasé about it. He told me that he never said we were exclusive. Which is true, he never did. But he could have at least told me that he planned to see other people and keep it casual. Which I don’t think I would have agreed with. Plus I felt if I was silent, I wouldn’t be considered a bitch for speaking up.
In my current relationship, things are completely different. Which is great. I prefer dating a guy that could be a forever. I ask where he was all my life because he’s that wonderful. However, even what feels like paradise can bring up old fears. The more I overthink, the more I feel like I’m getting sick. I have trouble sleeping. I have always been able to tell Mr. Jettsetter anything without fear of being judged. He’s my comforter, my assurance that I am always safe in his arms, that I have nothing to fear with them because the world just stops and it’s just us. Anyways, remember how we separated and seemed in limbo for a few months. All of that happened because we didn’t have a conversation about fears, issues, feelings. Moral of life, silence isn’t golden. What do you think?
Until next time,
P.S. I know I was vague and it was on purpose. There are some things that I prefer to keep private.