Silence Isn’t Golden

 

My friend Cassie and I were having a candid discussion about how one handle’s issues in relationships. She told me how she would never bring things up and she would let them fester until she couldn’t take it anymore. I’ve learned that nobody wins in a relationship when both of you stay quiet. Glossing over issues or sweeping them under the rug doesn’t help.                                                                                                              

Of course, relationships and friendships seem like they should be easy to navigate. But unfortunately, they aren’t. I’m a big believer in trusting my intuition and I try to ignore it when it is related to people I care about. I don’t like confronting people I care about when I feel that something is off or that my fears are getting the best of me. For example, a guy I used to go out with was super romantic in the beginning and three months later, he slowly started toning it down to where it was non-existent. We would facetime and talk on the phone (texting seemed less personal) and he slowly stopped that too. I had a weird feeling about things. I didn’t speak up. My fears were getting the best of me. Turns out he was actually dating some other girl for whom he was driving 3 hours to see. He would get annoyed having to drive from the Woodlands to Bellaire. As if that was 3 hours. I confronted him about it when I saw receipts for different places he had gone with her. Mind you, I was being an independent woman and paying at least 95 % of the meals we would eat together and movies, etc. I liked him and even though I hardly made as much as him, I was like blasé about it. He told me that he never said we were exclusive. Which is true, he never did. But he could have at least told me that he planned to see other people and keep it casual. Which I don’t think I would have agreed with. Plus I felt if I was silent, I wouldn’t be considered a bitch for speaking up.                 

In my current relationship, things are completely different.  Which is great. I prefer dating a guy that could be a forever. I ask where he was all my life because he’s that wonderful. However, even what feels like paradise can bring up old fears. The more I overthink, the more I feel like I’m getting sick. I have trouble sleeping.  I have always been able to tell Mr. Jettsetter anything without fear of being judged. He’s my comforter, my assurance that I am always safe in his arms, that I have nothing to fear with them because the world just stops and it’s just us. Anyways, remember how we separated and seemed in limbo for a few months. All of that happened because we didn’t have a conversation about fears, issues, feelings. Moral of life, silence isn’t golden. What do you think?

 

 

Until next time,

 

P.S. I know I was vague and it was on purpose. There are some things that I prefer to keep private.

 

 

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Speak Up Or Forever Hold Your Peace

Have you ever felt like you were the only one trying in a relationship? Why is it that we always make the mistake of giving over 100% when the other person gives less than 50%? Do we have to walk on eggshells when we talk about issues in our relationships?

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Sometimes it feels like YOU are the only one trying to communicate and you don’t want to sound like a bitch. I believe in open two-way communication and maybe I haven’t spoken up because I didn’t want to sound like I was bitching or starting drama. I have made the mistake of letting things slide and/or gloss over stuff when I should really speak my mind. They say pick your battles but sometimes, you can’t and shouldn’t.  The other part of the equation has to be timing. I rather just enjoy the moment with the person I love instead of calling things out and making them see how maybe my feelings are hurt, I don’t feel appreciated  etc. I always say, “I believe we should be blunt, honest, and upfront. I don’t want things to be swept under the rug. I want it all out in the open and lay my cards out however they may fall. What do you think? How would you go about it?

 

 

Until next time,

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Happy Thanksgiving!


Hi everyone! I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving! Be safe and merry!

 

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Quick update: My first Thanksgiving with my boyfriend is going without a hitch! Dinner went great! Watching the LSU vs A&M game is another story. Our team lost. 😑

 

Until next time,

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Out Of The Woods

Guess what? You know all that relationship work I wrote about earlier? Well, I have good news! Mr. Jetsetter and I are back together again. Hopefully forever! We are social media official! So today, is technically our 2 year anniversary since we didn’t break-up break up…

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The thing that sucks is that we live about 90 miles from each other and because he’s been busy with Grad school, we’ve only been seeing each other once or twice a month since Summer ended. It was a work in progress. Even though I had broken up with him, it didn’t take long for us to talk again. It was a whole 24 hours. It feel like a million years! Not to be cliché but maybe the distance made us realize that we are mean to be. Maybe it sunk in that if we lost each other, we would be broken and our pain wouldn’t be healed. It took me a while to admit to my friends that he was my boyfriend. They knew since day 1 of the break up that it wasn’t going to last and that it wasn’t a break up. More of a wake up!

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While we were “broken up,” I told him a white lie, that I went out with someone who I’ll call Mr. Aviator. Except that I didn’t. I had gone out with Mr. Aviator a year before I even started dating Mr. Jetsetter. To be honest, I didn’t go out with guy or talk to any guy. I might have been selfish and wanted Mr. Jetsetter to wake up and truly apologize and tell me that he loved me and wouldn’t let our love be broken. Moral of the story, don’t test someone’s love with a white lie. It can totally back fire.

We are starting off on a clean slate. Any thing hurtful that was done in the past isn’t a hall pass but more of a breakdown in communication. We are young and relationships aren’t always easy. They take time and work. Have you ever broken up and realized it was a wake up call? How did you handle it?

Until next time,

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Back to Paradise?

Sometimes things don’t go well in romantic relationships. It helps if you have good mutual communication. That way both of you can understand why things aren’t going the way that you think they should be going.  I’ve learned in the past that I truly wasn’t communicating my needs. This time the mancleanse has helped me realize what I might have done “wrong”. I used cut off  the problems in the bud and run instead of facing them head on. I should have stayed and really made my point come across and work on the relationship instead of ending it.

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I’m glad that I realized that I should have spoken up, attempted mutual communication, and expressed my feelings and what we both could do to fix any issues. Sometimes things are meant to work out, which I think my relationship with Mr. Jetsetter will. So what do you all think? Am I going about it like I should or do you think we should maybe seek additional help?

Until next time,

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Love Is A Suicide

So I came to see Mr. Jetsetter. As you know we’ve been seeing each other again. I’m still hanging around. Hoping and waiting. Fact is, I don’t want to date any other guy but him. I’m still waiting for him to come back and tell me how he feels. We can’t change the past. We can only move forward. Friends have tried to set me up on dates but I’m like nope. I’m not single. No matter how single I tell Mr. Jetsetter that I am. This isn’t a rom-com. It might backfire in my face. Am I doing this for the right reasons. I love him. He loves me or else we wouldn’t be together yet not together? We aren’t Ross and Rachel. Atleast I hope not. I would be super peeved if he did try to ask another woman out, kissed her, hugged her…. Ugh Am I insane? He’s my first real boyfriend, the guy that understands me, calls me out on my shite, has been there through the hardships. I love him. More than he will ever know. The heartbreak is still there.

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Sometimes I wish I could tear out my heart and my brain out. Just carve it out or give me a new brain. Make me a “hubot,” synth, robot. But life goes on, right? It’s better to love and feel than to not love or feel at all. Did I commit love suicide or did he? I doubt my decisions to break up, to move, life wasn’t perfect with him but it sure felt like it. What do you think? Did I make the worst decision to leave?

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Mancleanse

I still have feelings for Mr. Jetsetter and we are still seeing each other. Am I a horrible person for pretending that I don’t care if he’s talking to other women and going out with them? Part of me wanted him to experience dating so that if he ever committed to me, he wouldn’t have that lingering feeling of what ifs. I didn’t want to be married with him and 5 years down the road, he wants to taste “greener pastures.” Am I being selfish? Am I being dumb?

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We still text a lot and as if we never broke up. I’m still hurting and heartbroken.  Am I still waiting for Mr. Jetsetter to right a wrong? Is his love enough?  Should I just go on a “man cleanse”? What does “man cleanse” mean?  It means not dating any guy for a while. Taking a dating break. I just think that a “man cleanse” is a time of self-reflection.

What if we get back together? Will things fall apart? Will things get better? So what do you think? Am I playing the waiting game?

Until next time,

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All You Had to Say Was Stay

It’s been one week since I broke up  seperated  stopped living with Mr. Jetsetter. We’ve been talking still. Texting daily as if I only moved 90 miles away for work and not a break up. I don’t think of this as a break up, more of a separation. I love him with all my heart. He’s the first guy I’ve truly loved. Sure I said it to Mr. Commitmentphobe but in hindsight, I don’t think that was love. I saw Mr. Jetsetter as my future fiance, husband, father of our two kids. I just wish he had not given up so easily. He’s set his foot down on stuff before and made me realize that maybe stuff was hasty or not a good decision but this time, he actually gave up. I might have stayed if he said, “No. This is not a break-up. Let’s go talk to my parents or a counselor and see what issues we need to work through.”  There is something that happened back in October that may have happened prior to and it’s something we really have to discuss. I need answers. I have a list of questions. Do I expect the same answers as before, I hope not. Why is it that guys give up so easily? Do we want too much that they can’t give us that bundle of truth? I guess time will tell. I don’t even want to date anyone else. To be honest, I don’t think I will. I need to see this relationship through.

Until next time,

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Status Update

It seems like updating one’s status from “single” to “in a relationship” on FB and IG is a rite of passage for many. While I was single, I was a bit jealous. I would ask myself, “why don’t I have someone?” Guess what? I’m FB official with my boyfriend Mr. Jetsetter . We haven’t been dating too long. We’ve known each other since April and it wasn’t until September that we were unofficially official and then now official. I never thought it was possible to find love again after the disastrous dates I had and worse relationships. Never lose hope my friends. Believe in love!giphy-5

XO

NikkiKat

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Love Too Soon?

As I was leaving days ago, Mr. Jetsetter said, “Love you. Bye.” What? Did I hallucinate? Is it too soon? I know him since mid-April. We’ve talked alot, texted alot, skyped alot , seen each other since then. So why isn’t this the right time? Maybe romance in real life exists?loves

If your intuition tells you that it’s the “right” time to say it, then say it. But then again, do you believe in what society tells us about letting the guy say it first? What if you both feel the same way in terms of loving each other but never say it for whatever reason?

Love does have multiple meanings. It doesn’t have to be romantic love it could mean I care so deeply for you that I would do things that I wouldn’t do for someone else. You can have family love and friend love.

Maybe it’s all about the give and take. So many questions again.  Does love or saying, “I love you” or “I’m in love with you” kill the relationship if one does not feel the same? It feels good to have feelings of reciprocation but if the feelings are not reciprocated then it will feel horrible! Is there a right or wrong moment to say those three little works or five little words?

XO

NikkiKat

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P.S. In case you were wondering, I feel the same way about Mr. Jetsetter as he does with me. #truelove #lovemetruly #FriendLove?

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