Getting closure is ideal after any breakup. Sometimes you get the whole truth and nothing but the truth and other times, you might get a half-truth, and vice versa. A breakdown in communication somewhere in the relationship seems to be the cause for some breakups. I can attest that it was the cause in my last one. This Summer seems to be a time of closure for me. Not only did I get closure from Mr. Jetsetter but I also got closure from Mr. Batman.
I don’t think I’ve spoken about Mr. Batman. I dated him briefly before Mr. Jetsetter. We didn’t end on a positive note. After we broke up and went our separate ways. Part of me always thought about him. At times, wondering if he was okay. I didn’t get to know him as well as I would have liked. With phone switching a few times, I lost all my contacts on my phone. The only contacts that would save were either on Gmail or Facebook. Since he and I weren’t Facebook friends, I don’t even think he has a FB account, or emailed each other, his info wasn’t saved on my phone. I would get birthday texts on my birthday and never knew who it was. I assumed it was him but I didn’t ask. I thought he was angry with me for the way things ended. We reconnected this month and talked things out. It was great to catch up and part of me missed him even more after he dropped me off. He wanted to be friends and I am glad that I didn’t rebound with him. I wasn’t ready to re-ignite or even date anyone. I’m probably still not ready to date anyone at the moment. I’m just glad that I got closure from him.
As I close the door to Mr. Jetsetter, I realize that maybe I fell for his potential, with my rose colored glasses, I allowed myself to idealize him and not see him for who he truly was. I’m not saying he’s a complete typical f*ckboy but he was there for me, when no one else was. I invested in him and the idea of a future with him but not noticing all the times he would use “my” or “I” statements about the future instead of “us”. I thought we had an incredible connection as friends and that blurred into a relationship that I should have slowed down instead of allowing it to continue. I learned that I should allow men to prove themselves and not sell myself on him too quickly.
I need to stop believing men’s words at face value and I should look to their actions matching those words. When he cheated the first time and I broke things off, I should have allowed him to be a friend, as awkward as it was, instead of allowing the door to be open for re-igniting our relationship. Before we dated again after the first break-up, he wanted to get back together and instead of telling him that we should talk about why he cheated and worked on fixing the issue, instead I offered a clean slate based on his dumb excuse. This last time, he told me the truth. It hurt but it actually gave me much needed closure. It also helped that he immediately entered a relationship with the woman he cheated on me with. I should be thankful that it happened now than later. He proved that our values don’t align. He also wants to remain friends but I’m not sure if that’s even possible right now. Maybe in the future the friend and only friend door is open but right now I’m not ready to let him in even as a friend.
Sometimes you can’t get closure because your “ex” may have died or nowhere to be found. In that situation, I had to give myself my own closure. I wrote a letter, that I didn’t send, and burned it. It still took time to completely get over that guy but the letter writing helped. It allowed me to express how I felt and burning it allowed me to see this as the end. Breakups are lessons. We learn about dating, men, and ourselves. Closure is the door to freedom. It helps remove the weight of baggage from past relationships. It allows us to find love within and out in the world. Even though my all wasn’t good enough for the wrong guy that is not going to stop me from experiencing love and happiness alone or with the right guy. What do you think? Thoughts?
Until next time,