State of Insanity #NikkInsanity

I now realize that it is going to involve a shitload of work on myself. The past few months I have misdirected my anger. I thought I was angry at Mr. Commitmentphobe and I did an awesome job of convincing myself that he is the perpetrator of my settling on unhappy and non-committal situation. I felt helpless to change thing.

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In reality, I am a willing participant in this whole situation. I want to be happy, so I am taking my part of the responsibility for the mess that I am in. It is not all his fault even if I was initially “led” on and given hope. Maybe when I realized that he wanted to see me and other people, I should have drawn boundaries i.e. no sleepovers. I should treat him like everyone else I go out with, chill with, or provide company to. Maybe I would have a different outcome, maybe not.

Insanity is trying to do the same thing and expecting different results. Maybe I am a little insane. I am working on it. I felt repeatedly rejected and abandoned since he didn’t seem to make enough time to spend with me, talk to me over the phone, or even text more than one sentence or two. I hope I’m not becoming bitter, resentful, and distant.  You see, he did say to only try as hard as I think he is trying. Who says that?

Suffering is optional and pain is an unpleasant fact. Life is not always fair, not to be a martyr or whatever but it always seems like I get the short end of the stick. Maybe I need to stop thinking that way. I know that we can choose to allow our feelings of helplessness that come from feeling unable to change pain. I tend to respond to pain in a myriad of ways but I need to choose the one way that would guarantee change. It is a vicious cycle and I am not trying to change who he is because his true self is there he just chose to be in denial and pushed me away.

I have finally thought this out, without overanalyzing it too much. I can make a choice: stop focusing on him as having problems and start focusing on me having issues that I need to deal with. I guess I think there is someone worthy there hence the reason I am still there. I do not want to continue to be settling and unhappy.

I need more growth and I think this is a lesson from the Universe. I do not want to be like those girls hang around waiting on a guy. Has anyone else faced a similar situation?

Xo
NikkiKat

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The Pair and The Spare

One of my besties gave me a  dating tip called “the pair and the spare.” What does that mean? It means dating more than one man at a time. Normally three. You keep three men in rotation until you figure out which one is better fitted for dating further. One will usually be favored more; when that happens then you get rid of the other two. Some find that awful because it can appear shady, especially if you are sleeping with all three. Men do it all the time and why can’t women?200_s-3

In my opinion both men and women (mainly men) tend to date more than one person while playing the field, if they are interested in having a relationship other than a booty call or FWB. Since I started dating again, I have not particularly liked the concept of dating more than one guy but it’s one of those necessary evils of dating. It sucks but it’s something you have to do or at least think about doing. Let’s just say, I’ve gone out with duds. Am I going to end up being a “one date Daisy?”

I can honestly say that I haven’t sleep with any of the guys I’ve gone on dates with, If you do then good for you. “Do you” is my motto. I’m not going to judge my friends that do that. It’s a free country!  My dating plan is “to take it slow,” who knows maybe Mr. Right is around the corner or in another country!

I have tried doing the pair and the spare but that was unsuccessful for me. Some guys are actually honest and tell me that they are not interested in pursuing anything further. Gotta love honesty!  tumblr_inline_mj85s5azc61qz4rgp

So what do you all think about “the pair and the spare?” Has it worked for you? Remember: “Don’t put all your eggs in a basket” until both of you have defined the relationship and are going to be exclusive. Do as I say, not as I do.

XO

NikkiKat

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